Prayers for the Abused

This brought tears to my eyes. Hail Frigga, Hail Tyr, Hail Angrbodha, Hail Gerda, Hail Nidhogg!

Sarenth Odinsson's Blog

Allmother, Holy Frigga, You hear the cries of a million million children

The vile threads that weave

The million million choices that could have undone the tragic tapestry

May the new threads woven

By these survivors and their families

Be clean and comforting

May the children know peace

Hail Frigga!

O Tyr, Judge and Lawspeaker

Bring Justice

To those who betray their oaths

To those who have done wrong in silence or support

To those who harm the young

Help those harmed to find their voice

Help those harmed to be heard

Help those harmed to have their justice

Hail Tyr!

Angrboða, Ferocious One

Clanmother

Help us to protect our people

Help us to remove the abusers

Help us to heal those harmed

Help us to speak harsh truth

That our people be protected

That our people be safe

That our communities be whole

Hail Angrboða!

Gerda, whose arms encircle

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Destash Monday

Signal boosting, fly my pretties, fly! Buy his awesome jewelry creations, crystals, etc. Everything is gorgeous.

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Sooo, here I am again. Still alive.

Yea, I can’t say I forgot that I had this blog, considering how much of my time it has consumed in the past.

However, I just couldn’t bring myself to want to write here.

My internal anxieties aside, I felt as though I had nothing more to say.

At the beginning of my blogging experience on WordPress, I fitted myself with a hefty mission statement, and charged out the gate.

And now?

Now I look around at my life, and can barely see the person who started writing 3 years ago.

Without the need to post constantly, and to shape my online presence into something so far-reaching, I found that so much dross fell away and crumbled to dust.

My very identity has shifted into someone who doesn’t fit any of my previous labels, frames of reference, masks, hats, or other energy-based attire.

The primary directive that I was given from Loki and His kin has tapered off into silence, leaving me to scratch my head and try to shape something new out of the shadows around me.

Am I Lokean? Sort of. My bond with Loki is still there, but for the most part, I feel as though He has passed through my life like a fiery whirlwind that left deep hills of ash for new life to sprout in.

His influence helped me see my strengths that included artistic abilities I stopped trusting, singing, writing, cooking, and even completing college classes under pressure.

I am busily working on my college courses, this semester has shown me that I do not like Accounting. I thought I did, but the reality of it and all the difficulties attached to it sent me into a nervous breakdown last weekend.

Not fun at all.

Oddly enough, I am learning that I do enjoy math, particularly the Pre-Algebra I am learning now. This kind of math, compared to the inane, confusing math used in Accounting is worlds away from each other.

I began practicing Cartomany more and more these past few months, working with a number of different decks, with surprising results.

Tarot and Oracle decks are no longer a huge, confusing, mass of symbols and meaning that I don’t understand.

I have had fun adding different kinds of decks to my collection, some that I never would have imagined buying.

But they work.

Sometimes with scarily accurate results.

I like this strengthened skill, having felt like I was failing in the past when confronted by a deck of cards.

These months have shown me that not only is Math a strength for me, but divination is as well.

In order to keep my Cartomancy skills moving forward, I have been participating in a Tumblr activity called “The Spreadaday Challenge” where you perform one reading each day for the entire month of October.

Anyways… I wanted to break radio silence here in an effort to overcome that inner scolding tone that kept reminding me that I was neglecting my blog. And to tell everyone how excited I was about learning new skills.

I am hoping to use my new-found divination skills to determine where I am meant to go next. So far, the cards have had interesting messages about that. (More about my UPG on that next time.)

For now, this is enough. Hello WordPress readers, I haven’t forgotten about you.

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A year ago

This… All of this. Ending one’s life is never the answer. Pass on this flame of hope to all, may the world blaze with the hope that death is not the answer.

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Physical hardship TMI Warning… Gnosis and being given a new task….

Being able to write again has proved to be a challenge, not only to find the time or physical stamina, but also to find the words.

A week ago I ended up in the ER with severe belly pain and profuse bleeding (soaking 3 1/2 super absorbency tampons in less than an hour) with my B/P a stunning 74/47… That was the first time in a long while that my vision felt gray and fuzzy, like a sweater made of sensations.

They were shocked that I was able to walk from the loading bay to the triage area, and I was promptly whisked away to a room where pain meds and an IV awaited. Once I was being examined, my B/P went up to 130/89, which was confusing for the nurses to figure out why there was such a huge difference. This matter was never resolved or investigated further.

I got the exquisite displeasure of the doctor ordering a speculum examination w/oversize q-tip swabs, and being reassured that my cervix was closed, so it didn’t appear to be anything other than a severely heavy menses.

They tanked me up with a bag of saline, and 3 glasses of water, before shipping me to the Ultrasound techs for my insides to be scanned. This proceeded with exactly the type of sensations one can expect whilst trying desperately not to pee on the gurney.

After the ladies were finished with their 30+ minutes of “Okay, you will feel pressure” and “Oh, sorry, did that hurt? *does it harder* Oops, the computer didn’t save that, need to do it again…”, I was sent back to my room to await someone to take me to the bathroom to pee in peace, however, as the trooper/problem solver that I am, I shuffled down the 5 feet of space from my doorway to the restroom while the nurse looked on in some form of long distance overseeing to make sure I didn’t pass out and bleed out of my genitals all over the floor.

I managed to make it back to my gurney safely, and huddled under the cotton blanket for warmth, as the entire ER seemed to have had their AC unit settings adjusted from Cool to Hoth. Not long after I settled back into conserving my fluids and strength, the nurse returned with my discharge papers that stated the usual spiel of “Return if….” admonitions. She instructed me to get dressed, and vanished in a cloud of dark colored scrubs and brunette hair once my signature was affixed to the paperwork.

I was able to get dressed, and call for a ride home, where my husband and girls eagerly awaited.

I have felt wiped out since then, and did rough math of how much blood I lost.

Each tampon holds 10 ml

Each pad underneath holds about the same.

10 x 3.5 = 35 ml

10 x 3.5 = 35 ml

This tallies up to losing 70 ml of blood, not counting any overnight bleeding or in-hospital bleeding. This math only reflects the blood I lost right up to my visit, the rest of the week oversaw a more usual menses that extended the time that a tampon or pad lasted to 2-3 hours during the day, and didn’t end until Wed. No wonder I came into the ER in the state I did.

I have felt a big nudge to begin working with my Rune sets again, even locating the 4 missing from my Willow set. This nudge only intensified when I located my 1st set, and feeling the power contained within each symbol. But both feel incomplete, and the nudges pushed me towards creating a new set that includes the Futhorc Runes mentioned on Raven Kaldera’s website Here. This got my inner thoughts forming all sorts of gnosis…

The gnosis was something that dawned on me while talking with my husband during my recovery, after attempting to read a book on Runes by an author who offended my sensibilities by constantly toting the “Loki is teh EBBBILLL God of Chaos and stuffz” crap combined with trying to squish Freya and Frigga together into one deity. Not only trying to claim this, but alleging that the change from Freya to Frigga was an non-glamorous downgrade of some sorts. Yes, this was all within a few sentences of each other no less. Once that came to my attention, the book was irrevocably useless for any studying at all, thus being relegated to the back of the bathroom library.

While trying to explain how offensive this book was, my husband looked me in the eyes and said “I guess you’re just going to have to write your book then.”

I stammered and waved my hands around trying to deny it, trying to say that I’m not ready, or sure of what I am supposed to write. Obviously he is wrong, that can’t be what the Gods and Spirits want me to do.

He just laughed and said “Love, you have broken hammers that have felled Frost Giants. They have asked nicely, They have gently hinted. The time for that is over now.”

So here I am, trying to work out what steps I need to take next. All while feeling as though a huge magnet is pulling me towards a distant goal, with tiny spotlights of knowledge and progress lighting my way.

All I can do is take one step at a time, and do my best to honor the Gods through this endeavor.

 

 

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Loki day 28… Oh Shit, what happened to July?

So… Well… Umm, huh… I seem to have misplaced my month of July, has anyone got a spare? No, alright then…

This month seems to have been munched quite thoroughly by my back injury, the recovery time, starting PT (which is a bitch to motivate myself to do, especially with how much it hurts, but I make myself do it anyways.); and during my moments of being relatively pain-free, cleaning, cooking, and fine-tuning my collection oracle (which was started about a year ago, if I’m not mistaken). I also got some artsy time in via sewing, painting, and crocheting, but in all, I sit here feeling like I dropped the ball on honoring Papa Flamehair this month. not having done anything huge, elaborate, or flammable/glittery/etc. for Him…

I just couldn’t find the inner motivation to really push the envelope in honoring Him, and aside from praying to Him sporadically, offering a sip of my coffee, adding more details to my burning rose artwork, adding and defining the pieces of my Lost Things Oracle to better communicate with Him or other Beings in my life, or focusing my attention on His influence when the pain of my stretches is too much, this month has fell quiet.

Especially on the blogging front of things.

Feeling as though I have dropped the ball is only increased as this month has cast a spotlight onto my practices, and I saw how much stuff I had started accumulating again, without a deeper understanding of what it was meant to signify for me.

And by stuff, I mean literal stuff around my house.

I felt as though the corners, closets, and our extra bedroom had become the Grotto from The Little Mermaid movie, all without us realizing it. So we have been steadily chipping away at saved stuff, old clothing, toys (my GODS, so many toys…), and craft supplies in an attempt to shave down our unneeded belongings into a manageable amount. My chance to take back old toys for “safe-keeping” or miniatures to add to my Oracle has no bearing on my motivations on this matter…

So yea… This month has sort of been devoured by a bunch of stuff. But I am back now. More posts to come!

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The Arm Flail.

Yep, this is how I feel right now, even after praying fervently last night, and reaching out to sense Loki, I came away with nothing. Is this a fallow time? Did I do something to make Him leave? Is there something different I need to do? I feel like everything I do goes to a cosmic voicemail inbox, with no reply back. I know my bond with Him as His kid hasn’t been dissolved or anything, but no response to anything I do is leaving me feeling just like Kermit… >_<

Mystical Bewilderment

Yeah, this is about right. I often wonder if the gods find it amusing to watch their devotees going through the act of, what I deem officially from here unto forever, “Kermit Arm Flail Mode.” Anyone who reads that phrase knows exactly what it is that I am talking about; and for those who don’t, it’s easy enough to search online for the phrase and finding the appropriate image. (Or you can just look over to your right hand side and see exactly what I mean.)

It’s a visual representation that, I feel, encompasses much of the individuals who make up the wider pagan community at any given moment and quite often, it is a perfect representation of both my and other polytheists’ personal practices. I think there may even be a tag, on Tumblr, for just such a thing in the wider community. Whatever the case may be, many…

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Loki day 12: Super Moon hooplah

Apparently parts of the blog-o-sphere are all atwitter with this Full Moon being especially significant, and rushing about planning all sorts of elaborate rituals to honor, tap into, and feed from the energy being generated by the moon’s climax.

And I am sitting over in the corner staring at everyone as if they have gone mad.

I love the moon, don’t get me wrong, but when it comes down to it, I barely keep track of the monthly cycles at all. For years I felt guilty, and like I wasn’t as good of a Witch as others were, but now I just feel meh about it. I’ve never done a Wiccan ritual to honor or worship the moon, or really set up a devotional practice that included our celestial cousin thus far.

As beautiful as the moon is hanging in the night sky, I just don’t understand the hooplah about it.

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Month for Loki: Day 7 = Exhaustion

I feel as though I don’t have anything to offer today, this injury is sapping my reserves, and leaving me wishing for the oblivion of sleep. Traversing the stairs for bathroom trips has left me shaking, fighting sobs, and begging my muscles to calm down enough to let me rest.

I feel like I am out of spoons, out of energy, and out of distractions. Yet a sense of peace holds steady in the back of my mind, that despite the trials of having a meat shell, Loki’s influence in my life won’t be lost. Even if His presence feels distant at the moment, I have not been abandoned.

For being a deity associated with chaos and disorder, the bond I share with Him remains constant, and during the moments of agony that wracks my body in throbbing waves, I am so very grateful for Him adopting me as His child.

Hail Loki!

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Loki day 6: Poetry

The inner hallways of my mind echo with barely comprehended whispers,

A crowding at the edges of my vision of hidden forms I know but cannot name.

Where does my direction lay?

Is it beneath a rotten log,

Nestled between blankets of moss and leaves?

Or must I dive within the heart of a flame,

Bathing myself with my own incineration?

Am I meant to tangle in the embrace of aquatic plants,

Feeding them with my final gasps?

Or does my path draw me into the swirling of a hurricane to batter me into dust?

As I place one toe forward,

I feel that oceans of time spiral around me,

Helices of darkness, flame,

And blackened earth flex about my form in an intricate dance.

Each atom singing with abandon as I reach the moment where I have faltered in fear before,

Doubtful worries try throwing snares upon my path in hopes to bring me back down.

Do I fall and forget all I have learned?

Or devour these traps between fangs borne of my hope and turn my eyes towards the dawn?

Balanced upon the blade’s edge,

I seek to dance beneath the murmurs of my parentage,

As I smile I offer up my struggles and turmoil as burnt offerings to fuel the birth of new life.

Each moment of pain fuses with ecstatic union of all that I am,

And all I will be,

Bittersweet tears fall as my arms lift elemental burdens towards the inferno of Your loving attention.

Your gaze pins me to the earth beneath my soul Papa,

Stripping me apart from my artifices,

Masks, and pretenses with an embrace that burns away all.

A pile of glittering ashes is all that is left as You survey the work You have done,

Before shaping them into my heartbeat’s rhythm,

The sway of my limbs,

The flicker of my spirit,

The rattle of my bones,

Blinking I gaze upon Your face,

With loving thanks offering to you Papa,

For all that You have done for me.

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