I write this today after a crazy week of sick kids, a baby recovering from shots and wanting cluster feedings, and my husband working overnight shifts. I have been trying to think of what else to write, only to hold back out of my conditioned habit of keeping quiet or one of my harder obstacles to overcome: fear. After spending my whole life being beaten down physically/mentally/emotionally for expressing who I am, I developed a bit of a phobia of trying to be myself. I know it is understandable considering the amount of crap I had to go through, but I find I lose patience with myself over it so much that I am butting heads against my fears just to keep going.
But I want to make a promise to you, my readers, and myself, to keep writing. I have had Loki grab me by the scruff my the neck and tell me to write/speak for Him. I write to defend Him and His kin, to spread illuminating beams of light out for others to see Loki how He truly is, rather than the fear based hatred that has marred His memory and worship. I write because I want to, but life has lead me to this path, and all other opportunities have melted in my grasp despite my best efforts to forge in another direction.
But I have been struggling with the awkward shuffling of blogger stage-fright, and it irritates me that I have this apprehension to overcome in order to honor my Gods. Fighting against my own self confidence issues is hard, much harder than I expected it to be, but I don’t want it to come in between me and what I am being called to do.
It hasn’t been an easy journey, and I won’t allow my fears to censor what I write here. So I make a promise to do my very best to fight these fears and keep honoring Him and what He has given me as a task.
So I promise this to my readers, myself, and most of all, my Gods.