It started off with me being wheeled into surgery for another child, the bright lights blinded me as if to confess unknown answers.
As the gurney arrived in the room for the operation, I realized I wasn’t pregnant, but it began anyways.
I had no injection in my spine for pain like before, but I felt rushing water along my body.
There were no drapes to block my view as masked beings cut into my stomach to remove a black, brown, and red orb that glowed and pulsed as it was pulled into the light.
I thought I saw my OBGYN attending the surgery, but his face faded into another’s whom I didn’t know.
I felt no pain as it was lifted from my body, and once the light hit it, the orb burst into flames.
Then they took a bundle of objects that I couldn’t see clearly and reverently placed it into the spot where the orb had been.
I was then sewn up and sent back out to my husband, and when I tried to ask him about the baby, he seemed confused because I hadn’t been pregnant, and we weren’t there to have a baby.
This dream occurred the night before the cancelled Easter celebration and fallout from my mother. It has stuck with me ever since, and afterwards I have felt a freedom from her manipulations that I had never felt before. Her emotions don’t overlap onto me, I don’t feel the weight of her presence like before, and there is a sense of detachment whenever I have to interact with her.
I have taken this dream as a huge blessing for me, as I have wished fervently over the years that I could burn out the pain and overcome her influence in my life. Now I awaken every day feeling this is a reality, instead of a pipe-dream that haunts me with what will never be. I have been offering thanks, libations, and foods to my Spirits in thanksgiving for this gift. I have also been paying closer attention to Their needs, and attending to the unfinished projects, promises, and duties that have fallen to the wayside due to the chaos of my last pregnancy to honor Them daily.