In my family it is the wonderfully cheerful time of year known as Mother’s Day. With my husband and children it is a relaxing day of a few gifts, cuddles and lots of love. With my parents and siblings, however, it is another matter entirely. Seeing my mother at all can be a touch and go situation, but any holiday specifically designed to honor her in any way is akin to being in the bomb squad.
One wrong move and the whole thing blows you into pieces.
She visited tonight with my father and sister, and within moments of arriving was criticizing the drum I worked so hard to make. I made the mistake of showing it to her after spending hours re-lacing it, soaking and stretching the leather, and sewing the fabric over the rawhide binding in the middle. All she could say was “Is this my drum? I only loaned it to you, and you dissected it… I never knew you wanted to do this to it, it wasn’t for you to keep.” Despite me explaining in great detail what I was going to do, asking her if she was ok with it, and her GIVING it to me, she is quite upset about it now.
She also worked really hard at riling the kids up while trying to convince my 3 month old daughter to chew on her nose. Which has been a constant request of mine NOT to do. I find this to be disgusting, but something like my explicit request has never stopped her yet. She thinks it is cute, and used to have my younger sister and brothers do the same.
She then began fixing a picture “her way” in a frame while asking me where I got it, and how I took the only copy of the last photo of my father’s mom. I was given it by my aunt after my Granny died because I was so grief stricken that I needed intensive therapy for months just to function. She doesn’t believe me, big surprise there.
I sometimes feel like dealing with her can be a nice time, but I can’t ever count on that happening because if I plan on it, then the visit goes horribly awry. I had felt quite proud of the drum I had made, my dad, sister and husband all thought it looked really cool. I know I shouldn’t allow my mom’s comments and attitude affect me, but she emotionally sucker-punched me earlier this week over a scheduling mix up, and I have been trying to recover ever since.
I was supposed to meet my sister at a “garage/stuff” sale this weekend to sell craft projects and jewelry, but due to my husband getting so sick, I ran out of time to make anything. My mom decided to try and talk to me about the plans for traveling and childcare online, and after a polite greeting pounced on me like a lynx after a rabbit. She demanded to know what the plans were, and complained about how she was expected to help us with all of her commitments to school and whatnot. She chewed me out for not having made enough items to sell, and refused to accept my reasons for running out of time. She also chastised me for daring to think I could have a crafting business when being a mom is a full time job, and if I wanted to pursue that I would need a nanny.
I tried to offer a compromise or an apology, but it fell on deaf ears. I decided to block her online to avoid anymore drama, only to have her call the house thinking something horrible had happened. She has absolutely no clue she has done anything wrong, and acts as if everything in the world is great.
I feel angry with myself for allowing her to hurt me, belittle me, and make me feel like a helpless little kid again. I contemplated a cursing jar to punish her, but honestly I don’t want to have to deal with the fallout from it. I think a binding is in order, as well as creating something for me to wear to block her from reaching me. If I create jewelry to ward her off, then I won’t exhaust myself doing it alone. I have tried to do it by my strength alone, but now I see that on a day where I am sleep-deprived and exhausted the extra boost is definitely needed.
My husband suggested giving her the drum back, after I remove all the work I have done, and giving her the pieces of the original to do with as she pleases. I really don’t want to do it, all the time I spent creating it into my personal drum would feel wasted. I just don’t know what to do.
I will try to figure it out, and ask Loki and the Spirits what They think I should do.