I have had a very specific dream follow me through my life, one that haunted me by hiding it’s true meanings, causing me to awaken screaming in terror and trying to run, only to feel as if my legs were paralyzed. From the age if about 5 on I would awaken each night feeling my chest freeze in terror, choking on screams for help because my legs felt numb as if they were asleep, the muscles rejecting any attempts of moving.
I am walking down a deserted street littered with dry leaves that rattle along the ground carried by chilly winds.
The leaves crunch underneath my bare feet and brush against my hair.
The cold night air leaves my breath in white plumes that billow around me, as my heart starts beating faster and faster.
I have been here before, this happens every night.
Tears begin to flow down my cheeks as I hear the familiar sound of low growling behind me, coming closer and closer.
Heavy paws pound the earth behind me, as I fight to move my legs, falling into a pile of leaves in helpless fleeing.
I feel hot breath on my back and neck as the same creature stalks up to me, snarling and snapping its jaws.
I try to hide my eyes, but my arms feel frozen and so heavy I can’t move them either.
A trickle of saliva drips onto my pajamas, and my eyes stare up into the snout of a giant, black wolf monster.
Its nose glimmers in the moonlight, in the shape of a skull, the same image it wears each night.
Its teeth freeze my lungs as it lowers its snout to nudge me, hard, rolling me onto my back.
Dark amber eyes stare down at me, front paws pinning me down to ensure I cannot flee.
Hot breath that smells of bones, pine, blood, and ashes puffs into my face, as the gigantic face leans in closer to smell my face and hair.
I would always awaken as this Being would smell my hair, screaming in terror, thrashing my legs against blankets that entwined me like a vine. I lived in fear of sleeping, and would do all I could to avoid it.
I knew that this Wolf had never hurt me, but the fear was so immense that I couldn’t feel anything more than just mind-shattering terror. The dream would always begin the same way, and end on a cliff-hanger, I always wondered what would happen next, was this the night I would be eaten or torn apart, or something else painful and inescapable.
Despite these dreams I felt drawn to Wolves, and collected many different images, figurines, artwork, and often pretended I was like the twins Romulus and Remus of Roman myth raised by a she-wolf.
As I grew older I would lay awake at night sensing that there was a Wolf Spirit wandering the house while everyone else slept. When I closed my eyes I could see it, the same colors as the one from my dreams, but about the size of a Husky.
It would scent out every nook and cranny of the house, and end Its journey by standing by my bunk-bed, staring up at me with amber colored eyes. I was still afraid of It, so I would hide under my blankets waiting for It to leave, but I would often feel It jump up onto my bed, pinning my blankets to me.
I would feel panic begin to bubble in my throat, and tears would begin to fall again, before It would suddenly vanish without a trace. Leaving me shaking in my blankets, the room icy cold all night long.