Today I awoke feeling angry, so angry in fact that I had to make sure I checked my emotional response before any interactions with my family. I don’t remember any dreams, but I woke up feeling a fury completely out of context with my daily “stuff”, and I was sore all over (more sore than usual.) as if I had either gone several rounds with someone, or did a forced march up a mountain.
Later during my shower, the lyrics to the song “Snuff” by a band named Slipknot popped into my head. (link at the bottom for the original) I started to change the lyrics because they didn’t exactly fit my perspective on life anymore. I wanted to share them because Loki saved me from killing myself several times over the years, and His loving guidance helped me become so much more than I could have hoped to become. He helped me see that I was, and am more than anyone ever gave me credit for.
“Dislodge all their lies beneath my skin,
Come away with scars inside, and rebirth me from within.
The air around me for so long felt like a cage,
And your love was the only truth around filling me with courage.
Even at my worst you didn’t me let me go,
And die away as I begged it to be so.
My eyes had grown too dark to care,
You lit the fire that wasn’t there.
You delivered me from this fate,
If I’m alone there is only hate.
They don’t deserve to have me,
If they ever change I hope I never know.
I daily press your gifts unto my lips,
And cherished them in parts of me where your love always exists.
I couldn’t face a life filled with other’s lies,
And all my bonds were torn from me, when you showed me a light.
So now my life is in Your hands,
Where You lead I will stand.
You couldn’t leave me there to die,
So I am bonded to Your side.
I am so glad You saw my worth,
And cleansed me in a fiery rebirth.
Now I am burned clean of any decay,
Though I doubted I’d last the day.
Bound to You and Your own,
I never have to be alone.
So take these offerings I give,
For You have helped me live.
You could have turned away as well,
But You freed me from my cell.
So I will seek to bring honor to Your name,
For I will never be the same.
Those who call You the God of lies are wrong,
And I will raise my voice up in song.
For You have been here all along.
Holding me up when all seemed lost,
Wiping my tears despite the cost.
So I won’t listen to their claims,
They only fear what they cannot tame.”
Hail Loki, bringer of sanity and peace in a time of absorbed madness and strife. My father and Mother rolled into one, my Savior when all else had faded away.