This afternoon I lay down with my youngest for a quick nap after a busy day with everyone. I remember waking up twice during this time, only to keep dreaming regardless.
I was visiting a large white farmhouse with an attached barn, it was almost Samhain and everyone was excited. I got separated from my husband and children after I walked through a side door, and my appearance/clothing morphed into a younger version of me from the past. I have long blackish brown hair, dark clothes, boots, and lots of jewelry. I turn to discover that I am visiting this place with my bio-donors and siblings now, rather than my children and mate.
I feel worried about this, but think that I glimpse my eldest daughter playing with two large huskies in the backyard, so I follow her. I then hear her laughter coming from a garden bed on the other side of the husky’s dog run, so I duck through a hole in the fence to find her. I still don’t see her, but an older woman with long black hair and a maroon Ren-faire style dress tells me that all is well, so I try to enjoy myself. There is cider being offered, bunches of herbs for sale, several cats and dogs running around between legs and doors, and pan-pipe music playing both inside the house, and weaving in and out of each area outside.
I woke up here, only to be pulled rapidly back into sleep.
There are lights above the barn in some kind of attic that keep catching my eye, so I climb the rickety stairs into a Witch themed sitting room that holds all sorts of esoteric tools, clothing, figurines, tarot decks, candles burning along every windowsill, a stove heating up a kettle for tea, crocheted afghans across the backs of rocking chairs, and an old chandelier with flickering candles burning overhead. The room appears empty, but each item seems to brighten as I enter, like they were expecting me.
I see a vase with dried herbs and flowers on a table, and after smelling them (with whiffs of mugwort, wet moss, old roses, wormwood, and leather) I begin to see things in the room come to life as if powered by unseen hands. Stove knobs turn, chairs rock, figurines turn in time to the pan-pipe music, candle flames waver, and items float in the air around me. I feel a child-like wonder filling me, and I reach for a floating tarot deck in a pink box.
But I am suddenly rendered unable to speak or see out of my right eye. The music in the room changes to a heavy, throbbing drum beat as my body is thrown to the ground, twitches and seizure-like movements wrench me across the floor. My face feels numb and swollen, with a heavy twisted scar where my eye used to be. My lips try to open to call for help, but the movement pulls against coarse thread stitches holding my mouth still. I roll towards the nearest rocking chair, and yank myself into the seat, attempting to still the twitching and thrashing that has possessed my body.
My fingers trace along the threads in my lips, and I lunge to the door frame fearing that the room is still moving, but it isn’t, everything is still. I glance around for scissors or a knife to cut them, but cannot find anything in the barn’s attic. So I head back outside into the area selling cider, only to find that it is deserted, and the sky looms over me with inky blackness.
I woke up again, but was unable to fully regain being awake.
Dark clouds flutter across a waning moon as my body crashes back to earth again, my fingers clawing at the dirt around me in an attempt to still the thrashing that wracks my body. I see my father standing over me as these seizures twist my form against dry leaves and moist earth, but he only chides me for wasting time, and refuses to help, before vanishing.
A gust of wind pulls the stitches out of my skin, each knot’s demise stinging my lips like a lit match. A weight holds my chest down against the ground beneath me, and settles so heavily I feel bones creak. A tall, shadowed man stands over my form, and reaches out a burning hand to touch my cheek. A small orb of molten rock and coals fall into my empty eye socket, a slight scent of burnt bones fills the air. As this orb settles into my skull, I feel only a mild heat, and a sense of relief.
A faint whine alerts me to the two huskies I had glimpsed earlier sitting next to me, their eyes glowing with an amber light in the darkness. I reach my hand out to touch one, only to feel empty air where they sat moments before. The farmhouse and surrounding area swirls into shadows, and my eyes open to a darkened bedroom.
I blinked and gasped for air, my mouth so dry that I choked on my desiccated tongue, trying to reason through what I just experienced, and whether I was really awake or not.