Sleeping unrestfully

Sleep and I have a love/hate relationship, from as far back as I can remember I have struggled to enjoy sleeping.

I sought medical help about two years ago, and in seeking a doctor to explain why I felt this way, I discovered that  all of their tests or work ups said I was fine. Each test indicated that my body was in good working order, so my aches, pains, and fatigue made little sense to the medical community.

So by process of elimination they arrived at the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia. Through many months of trying medications that did little to help me feel better, I began to wonder if there was something else going on.

But through examining different signs, asking my Gods and Spirits, and talking to my husband to compare notes, I think it is the aftereffects of unintended spirit journeys while I sleep. I don’t sleep very deeply, but when I do sleep, I awaken feeling as if  I have been climbing mountains or running all night long. My joints ache as if always sore from manual labor, and sometimes I wake up feeling bruised all over, but showing any marks would be random, and not easily traced to a normal occurrence.

As a child I would awaken with cuts, scratches, bruises, or pain that wasn’t there when I went to bed. I also had many lucid dreams or visions, feeling like I was flying, running, or falling.

I still remember one dream where I was flying through the air over a grassy plain, the wind was cold, smelling of dry grasses, the “scent of fall” and moist earth. It was a cloudy day, with little sunlight or warmth. I felt as though I had wings, and felt the wind between my flight feathers, which filled me with joy, and exhilaration.

Just as I swooped down through a cloud, a figure on the ground shot me in the chest with an arrow, knocking me to the ground. I woke up gasping for air, and trying to pull the arrow out. Oddly enough, the impact didn’t hurt, it felt more like a splash of cold water. Dreams like this one followed me all through my life, so lucid it felt as though regular waking hours were faded by comparison.

Calling it this has been a struggle for me, because for so long I didn’t see the signs that it was anything more than a physical illness. I was also a little afraid to name these symptoms too, because names have power. In order to protect myself from having too many walkabouts while I sleep, I devised several different symbols and tools to act as wards and barriers for my physical and astral body.

Some of my jewelry stays with my astral form as a way to bring me back, and to keep Someone else from hopping a ride or slipping into my physical body while I am gone. I find that a piece of Hematite acts as a deterrent, and my Onyx Moon pendant deflects any grabs made at my person.

My prayer beads also carry symbols and stones to protect me as well. I included 2 Bone feather beads for if I need to fly away from danger, and 2 Smokey Quartz beads to obscure my astral/physical form from unwanted gazes. I also included a magnetic Hematite bead on my beads, to pull me back towards my body if I stray too far, this bead is linked to the piece I carry with me.

I have a piece of Bloodstone that is in the same pouch as the Hematite, to remind myself of my physical body, and to not get carried away with walkabouts, and to prevent me from deciding not to return. This piece of Bloodstone is linked to a Bloodstone bead on my bead set the same way the 2 pieces of Hematite are linked. I included Onyx beads as spacers in my prayer bead set, linking it to my Moon pendant to further the protection it offers. The wire that I crimped looks to be silver metal (not sure really) and the color of it matches the silver around my Moon pendant to create more of a bond of protection and warding unwanted influences.

Even with these safeguards I still struggle to sleep enough, but I feel that making the efforts has helped me feel more aware of any journeying that happens, and more protected during each trip. Some of my sleeping has been plagued by nightmares or flashbacks about my past, but that is a post on its own.

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About darkbookworm13

I am a proud mom to 3 beautiful girls, and married to the love of my life. I have been a practicing Witch since the summer of 2003, having studied many different paths over the years, ranging from Wicca, Goddess only worship (courtesy of StarHawk), Eclectic Paganism, Kitchen Witchcraft, Norse Paganism, Hearthcraft, Spiritual Luciferianism, and more. I have worked with the Futhark runes, Brian Froud's Faeries Oracle deck, Tarot decks, and I am currently working on a customized divination set based on collected items. I like to work with herbs, and gardening. I crochet and make handicrafts like wood burned items, paintings, drawings, toys, and hand sewn doll clothes for my daughters. The only title I call my spiritual path is Witchcraft, as using magic entwines deeply with the worship of the Gods who call me Their own. My Patron deity is Loki, who has chosen me as His kin.
This entry was posted in Creativity, Dreams, PTSD, Spirits and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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