I am officially in college once again, and so far *knock on wood* the classes are going well, and are an enjoyable challenge. The only major struggle is how to budget in time for anything spiritual or magical.
I find myself rushing through the day, absorbing so much for my classes, tagging into the fray with my girls so my husband can breathe freely, and then rushing to appointments on my days off. Each time I feel like I hit my stride with life all arranged as it should be, we all get lambasted by illness, money problems, constant appointments regarding our eldest, and two cranky goblins who also need our love and attention.
My downtime is few and far between.
I am ashamed to say it, but my offering dishes often lie mostly empty, or with the odd crust from my sandwich and some cool water when I have the brain cells to spare. The other night the first time in about a week that I was able to clean out the dishes and replenish the offerings, including a shot of liquor I sipped, and then shared with Loki.
I don’t feel as big of a disconnect from my beliefs as I did during my first semester of college, which is a welcome change from before. I have been trying to read a few blog posts during my downtime at school, or saving info to read later, as well as trying to live as mindfully as possible each day. I had felt some distance beginning to grow again, so I am trying to make the effort to include small acts of devotion or magic throughout my day.
Stirring a blessing into my cup of tea, whispering words of thanks as I sit down to eat a meal, pausing to smell the icy winds outside to center myself, or focusing my intention before I act. I have also been using my jewelry as wards to keep me from being overwhelmed, one has been consecrated as an evil-eye charm, the other ones remind me of not only my Path, but also the journey so far.
But it hasn’t been easy.
In order to stave off so much illness and trouble, I took a few hours this past weekend to re-bless and strengthen our wards. We have a collection of charms and a large amethyst crystal that hang in the central part of our house, either ones that have been gifted to us, or the ones we discovered at just the right moment. I wiped each one down with a wet cloth, smudged them with incense, blessed them and told of how we found them, before hanging them back up. Ever since then we have noticed the whole house felt better, even with a cold bug going around, and lots of homework, we have been doing better.
I also took time the other day to ward myself with breathing exercises combined with visualization, and was shocked at how much better I felt afterwards. Due to everything going on, I can’t remember the last time I tried doing this, in the past visualizing has been a huge challenge for me. Part of the visualization I could see the outline of me in a bright sky blue, but I had black and gross colored wiggly things stuck all over me, mostly from the knees down.
Once I saw the wiggly things stuck to me, I was overcome with nausea, and imagined what I should do to get rid of them. I saw white and silver sparks begin to fly out of my hands sort of like a 4th of July sparkler. I could feel a tingling heat from my hands as I began to slide the sparks along my outline in a clockwise circle around my outline, pausing at each parasite while they crackled and turned to ashes. After one pass in a clockwise circle, I then went in a widdershins circle twice to banish any lingering bleh, before changing the sparks to cool salt water. I felt the water flow around my outline, rinsing away the ashes and left me feeling refreshed.
After I was done, I was shaking and nauseated, but after I ate some food and drank some cold water, I felt much better. I made sure I grounded myself through the food and drink, before going back to my “mommy-duties” with a bounce in my step and a song on my lips. Until I really thought about the self-care I was lacking, I had just gotten used to feeling worn, dried out, mind all foggy, and moving with painful slowness.
Now that the haze has been lifted, I can feel the difference in every aspect of my life. One of the many things that I have been thinking about in the aftermath of the workings I did is whether or not other Paths or Gods call to me. So far it is a resounding NO, Druidry was a passing curiosity, and fell out of my thoughts after only a short time. I tried to muster enthusiasm to learn about the Ogham, the lore connected with the Celtic deities, and the traditions that Druidry offered, but I just couldn’t get my heart into it.
I am still bonded to Loki and His kin, feeling a stronger draw towards the Jotnar then before (I think the silence wasn’t so much that They weren’t talking to me, it was more my own barriers interfering with hearing Them), I feel drawn more and more to Shamanism as described by Raven Kaldera’s works and other Northern Traditional Spirit-workers. I was even able to finish gathering my collection together to dedicate it to me when the time feels right. I felt lots of influence in the decisions about my collection from Loki, as well as the land wights and animal spirits that have been gathering in my dreams or following me around.
I offer thanks to Loki and the Spirits for the help They have been giving me.
Hail Loki, Lightning Spark Bearing Mentor.
Hail Animal Spirits, Guides and Mentors.
Hail the Jotnar, Primal magicians and shamans that dance around mysterious fires in my dreams.