Still Alive!

So yeah….

I finished my college semester Monday, and have been sort of regrouping and whatnot since. I checked my grades, and thus far I have a B, and 3 pending final grades. I know I am passing Math, and my midterm grades for all of my classes showed a GPA of a 3.0. Not bad for someone who was terrified to go back to school for fear of failing.

I fucking kicked ass, and I am so proud of myself for how hard I worked.

Yesterday was stretched in many different directions, between a solo run with my  kids, house cleaning (My GODS how on earth did things get so messy?? Why do we have no clean dishes? WHAT IS THAT SMELL??), and recovering from an almost constant migraine that had clung to the nape of my neck like a rotten fruit waiting to burst.

I have also been attempting to field requests and influence from Loki these past few days, as if a cork popped out of a wine bottle, and now the flood of information, sensations, and internal dialogue has taken up residence within my skull. That might account for part of my migraines.

He has been very clear that He expects me to set up a proper shrine with lots of shinies for Him posthaste, and that my offerings need to be a daily thing starting 5 minutes ago. I offered Him some hot tea with spiced rum on Sunday night, and during our newly minted bedtime ritual with the girls, I almost singed all the hair off my left arm.

The ritual involvess lighting a candle with an incense stick, having my girls say good night to it, and then they help blow it out. So far we have been doing this sporadically for a couple weeks, but He has made it very clear He wants it every night. Normally lighting the incense stick is difficult, but Sunday night proved it was harder to keep from having ME go up in flames along with the candle. Monday night saw a part of the incense stick breaking off and landing in a basket of laundry, as a way to say “Hey wait, you haven’t burned enough yet, don’t put it out!”… Thankfully my clothing was only smudged with ashes, and no fire started.

But yea, a lot of near-misses with fire lately, but He wants me to keep giving Him offerings of it, so I don’t want to refuse if this is something important I need to do.

In other news, I have been seized with an all-consuming need to relearn the kinds of divination that I struggled with. I was offered a trade through a Tarot forum for a handmade bag for a deck, info on the Runes keeps falling into my lap (including a very informative and humorous Tumblr blog located Here,) even my Faeries Oracle and Heart of Faerie oracle are all shouting for my attention. I bought 2 different Tarot decks as a reward for my performance in college, and a Mother’s day gift. One is called the Samhain Deck of the Bastard, the other is called The Shadowscapes Tarot. I received my Bastard deck yesterday morning, and boy is It talkative. I will have to do some daily draws, a deck review, and my journey with this deck, because working with tarot decks now is a completely different ballgame from the past. My old gemstone Rune set decided to pipe up last night before bed and demand a bag to reside in. Now my Runes live in a bright pink change purse that is embroidered with Asian themed flowers (don’t ask, I don’t know why They picked it…)

It feels like a veil was pulled from my eyes, and I can actually see what these tools are trying to communicate with me.

Sadly, the collection system I was trying to build never fully blossomed into a working tradition, it is more a bag of treasures that I was led to collect, and now Loki wants the whole shebang on His altar. He has sort of claimed all of my magical tools as His, and keeps projecting very elaborate altar layout into my brain at random times.

L: “Hey, that is a shiny candle stick. I want it.”

Me: “Umm ok, but the internet price says it is over $4,000. It is a one of a kind art piece that resides in an Austrian art gallery. That is impossible, how about I paint up some glass candle holders for you? Or maybe make some out of clay?”

L: “…… *grumbles* This counteroffer might work. But you need to buy glittery paints.”

Me: “Ok, what color glitter? I have red glitter paint, a metallic gold paint, and a blue glitter glue. What else is there to get?”

L: “…. Never mind about the paint, I want shiny fabric. And your gemstone egg, and all the crystals on that heart-shaped glass dish.”

Me: “Whaaa? Oh, alright then…*inner sighing and head scratching*”

So far Loki hasn’t claimed anything I am not willing to part with, most of what He wants on His altar/shrine is things I felt motivated to gather up, but had no clear idea what I planned to do with it. He also wants lots of candles available to be burned, so I need to go through my supplies to ensure I will have an adequate amount.

For the most part Loki has been the most prominent Being in my life, any others have much quieter, or not trying to get my attention at this time. I keep making offerings to our house spirits, and the land wights, but for the most part, worship has shrunk back to being very Loki-centric. For some unknown reason, I have a feeling He won’t mind that too much. *insert tongue in cheek smirk*

I am not certain what is going to happen with either of the Goddesses that showed up in my life this year, all communication has gone quiet on the Baba Yaga and The Morrigan fronts after the initial contact. After The Morrigan appeared to me in dreams, and during a panic attack inducing moment of clarity, all contact with Her seemed to fade, including having dozens of crows following me around constantly. Baba Yaga may still be around, but I don’t really sense anything, so I am just not sure. The only nudges I am getting aside from Papa Flamehair is from the house itself. Mostly complaints about the messiness, demands for offerings, being very grumpy about how dusty or stuffy things became during this semester of college, and generally raising a fuss about being forgotten.

I have been working at clearing out old junk, dust, dirty dishes, scattered laundry, and clutter in an effort to bring our home back into where It wants to be. as well as ironing out the “spring cleaning” of the altars and shrines in order to create a more cohesive flow throughout the house, as well as creating stronger wards to protect my kids from illness or the stink eye. I have suspicions about some bad blech being sent  our way from jealous blood relations, and I want to ensure they are well guarded.

My eldest daughter went through a 2 week bout of an upper respiratory infection and Strep throat during April, leaving our reserves exhausted, our home a contagious mess, and our nerves frayed with managing 24/7 care for her that she resisted every step of the way. She hates resting at all, and when she is sick, she becomes even more hyperactive than normal, so getting her to rest so her coughing fits would stop was difficult at best. After 2 weeks of her being home, needy, and coughing so much she couldn’t breathe, we were all worn to the breaking point. Thank the Gods that she is recovered now, otherwise we would wish for the chance to run away from home, even for just an hour. It sounds terrible, but with her special needs creating such a drain on everything we have, 2 weeks of severe illness was more than we could take.

With Mother’s day coming up, I am planning on a quiet day at home for us, with cinnamon rolls or baked items for a treat, and spending time with my girls, my husband, and honoring Loki. I want to make something for Him, but I am not sure what I could do just yet. I think focusing on creating a special shrine just for Him would be a good way to honor Him for Mother’s day, as well as maybe making Him something special.

Whew, it is good to be back, and able to share my crazy life/Path here with everyone else.

 

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About darkbookworm13

I am a proud mom to 3 beautiful girls, and married to the love of my life. I have been a practicing Witch since the summer of 2003, having studied many different paths over the years, ranging from Wicca, Goddess only worship (courtesy of StarHawk), Eclectic Paganism, Kitchen Witchcraft, Norse Paganism, Hearthcraft, Spiritual Luciferianism, and more. I have worked with the Futhark runes, Brian Froud's Faeries Oracle deck, Tarot decks, and I am currently working on a customized divination set based on collected items. I like to work with herbs, and gardening. I crochet and make handicrafts like wood burned items, paintings, drawings, toys, and hand sewn doll clothes for my daughters. The only title I call my spiritual path is Witchcraft, as using magic entwines deeply with the worship of the Gods who call me Their own. My Patron deity is Loki, who has chosen me as His kin.
This entry was posted in Chaos, College, Deities, Divination, Family, Holidays, Illness, Loki, Offerings, Parenting, Personal Gnosis, Spirits, Spirituality and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Still Alive!

  1. morgan says:

    Loo oh, I wanted that Samhain deck.. It is so beautiful..

  2. moonfire2012 says:

    I read your mentioning the Heart of Faerie oracle deck. It is excellent. I have it, but I miss my old Faerie’s Oracle which came out in 2000. Lol, when Loki rains, He pours! This glitter theme seems to be universal with Him. I know when I get urges that seem unnatural to buy such, it’s coming from Him. My altar is Glittergeddon. I even call Him the Glitterbitch. It’s a term of endearment, believe me;) I was thinking of ideas for adornments for His altar for Mother’s Day. I was thinking of honoring both Him and His mother Laufey. Anything green and growing will do, a bouquet of flowers, rosemary, etc. And for Him, some Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey. He loves that stuff. He told me months ago “I want you to make O/our home into a sacred space.” So I did. It’s an honor and I can feel the magic in doing so. He CAN get pushy though, can’t He? That’s when you gotta find middle ground.

  3. Thelibertylamp says:

    I just finished on Thursday, I am so glad it is over and I am taking the summer off for sanity.

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