Self-Harm Trigger Warning: Brace yourself, I’m pissed off and anxious now…

My mother just messaged me online to let me know my youngest brother is currently going through a mental health crisis, and threatening self-harm. After telling me that he had never gotten over his ex-girlfriend’s suicide attempt, and couldn’t be left alone, she had the gall to

1. Tell me not to be upset…. Yea right, too late now….

and…

2. Ask whether or not my husband and I could become his suicide watchers to make sure he was safe and unharmed…

Excuse me, I can’t take on that job in good conscience. We have 3 kids of our own we need to protect and watch over, and if he snaps while with us, what would stop him from hurting others along with himself?

She brought this up because she has a super important job interview tomorrow, and him threatening suicide is making it hard for her and my dad to go to work.

Nowhere is there a worry about him, or his safety, only how this affects her. Her job offer, her mental health in seeing him like this, her discomfort having therapists and workers know how he feels, and she sees no problem in viewing it this way.

I want to slap her and yell “It’s not about you, this is not about you at all. Not about how you feel, or what you think, this is about your son. Your son’s feelings, your son’s pain. Stop fucking horning in on his suffering and be a supportive, loving adult like he needs in his life. Stop worrying about how people will look at you for having a son with mental illness, and give more than one shit about his well-being. He needs you, he needs you to get over yourself, and actually be a mother. You gave birth to him, you claim to be his mother… Fucking act like it.”

I sit here with my hands tied, my blood burning to help, and my heart beating with a primal rage I haven’t felt in a long time. He is a grownup, and all I can do is be here for him if he needs me. I have tried to talk him out of being depressed, supporting him, loving him, attempting to show him how strong he is, how his life doesn’t need to end. I just don’t know how to help now.

Gods help me see what I can do, or how I can help. And watch over my baby brother that I raised like he was my son.

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About darkbookworm13

I am a proud mom to 3 beautiful girls, and married to the love of my life. I have been a practicing Witch since the summer of 2003, having studied many different paths over the years, ranging from Wicca, Goddess only worship (courtesy of StarHawk), Eclectic Paganism, Kitchen Witchcraft, Norse Paganism, Hearthcraft, Spiritual Luciferianism, and more. I have worked with the Futhark runes, Brian Froud's Faeries Oracle deck, Tarot decks, and I am currently working on a customized divination set based on collected items. I like to work with herbs, and gardening. I crochet and make handicrafts like wood burned items, paintings, drawings, toys, and hand sewn doll clothes for my daughters. The only title I call my spiritual path is Witchcraft, as using magic entwines deeply with the worship of the Gods who call me Their own. My Patron deity is Loki, who has chosen me as His kin.
This entry was posted in Counselling, Family, Grief, Mental Health, Pain, Prayer, Rant, The Past and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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