I seem to be falling into a pattern of only being able to post on odd-numbered days, despite my efforts to do daily posts. In order to facilitate healing faster, I had to move upstairs to our bedroom to avoid being bounced on constantly by the goblins. I know they can’t really help it, all three tend to be active sitters no matter what, so jostling the couch can’t be helped…
Sitting up here by myself feels weird though, I don’t usually have much time to myself, let alone a period of forced inactivity like I have now. In order for me to remain up here without feeling bored out of my brain, my husband downloaded some movies for me to watch, as well as helping me carry up one of my tarot decks, a notebook, and some snacks.
One of the movies I get to watch is Dracula starring Gary Oldman, I have never watched a film rendition of Dracula, I have only ever read the story. Watching this film, I have only empathy and compassion for Dracula in his desire to be with his beloved for all time. The heroes of the story with their “divine” mission make me angry on his behalf, with the shared loathing for the church’s teaching providing me with a closer connection to the perceived “villain” in the story instead. The idea of vampires, supernatural powers, and immortality has always intrigued me, as a teenager I often wished I could become such a creature.
This sense of dissatisfaction or feeling as though I was meant to be something other than what I was followed me as I got older, only dissipating once I discovered Who was calling me.
After I learned that Loki claimed me as His child, my sense of not fitting in fell away like moldy rags, crumbling beneath my feet into dust the way a snake’s skin is reclaimed by the forest. The forest that has surrounded my rebirth from the beginning of time, singing me songs of wind through the branches, sheltering me among the roots of ancient conifers, filling me with a sense of peace just to imagine it.
Before this month began I felt as though the font of words had run dry, I am glad to learn that is not the case as I continue to focus my attention on honoring Loki.
Hail Loki, my mentor, bringer of change and growth, my parent, my God.